Humble pie

I feel like God has been teaching me a lot lately because I have finally woken up and realized how ridiculous I was being which I am so thankful for. Today I have been chewing on a giant piece of humble pie. I'm giving up desserts for lent but somehow I think the pie of humility will be sticking around for a while while my heart processes it.

Most people like to talk. I don't particularly mind talking in some cases but I find that listening is easier for me. I enjoy listening. In fact, I enjoy listening and giving advice (even if it isn't always good advice...) so much that I picked my major based on that aspect of myself. I take pride in my listening ability and this week God decided to take that away from me for a few days or weeks as the case may be. Though the story of how He took it away is not mine to tell, I can tell you this; when I get my listening back, I am going to be thankful for it instead of being proud of it.

Rock bottom?

Have you ever had a day or a month or a year when you think things can't possibly get worse, and then they do? Have you ever hit rock bottom? I thought I had had "rock bottom" experiences until last Sunday and while I am sure that at some point in my life I will have a worse rock bottom than the one I had 7 days ago, it seemed pretty bad at the time. I have come to realize that God often uses rock bottoms to bring us back to Him. Even though every aspect of last Sunday afternoon was miserable in every sense of the word, I am thankful for that rock bottom because it just brought me back. After everything I've learned in my life I still, for some reason, think that I have to go to God at my best but it's when we're at our worst that we need Him most. Of course we need Him all the time, but I have a hard time grasping that sometimes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that since God sent the rain, I am thankful that He sent an umbrella and a pair of rain boots too.

I'm not in control

I have come to realize that aspects of life rarely work out the way we want them to or plan for them to. In my own life, I try to plan things out. I cannot stand not knowing what's happening next. I hate feeling like I'm not in control. I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. My plan is to graduate a semester early, and either take a semester off before starting grad school or do an internship, yet somehow while I've been planning, it doesn't feel right. I don't know how to explain it other than this overwhelming sense that things won't work out the way I think they will right now.
Last week, I even had thoughts of changing my major, though they only lasted about 10 seconds before I remembered how much I love psychology and how miserable I'd be with just about any other major. I know that I can do a million things with psychology, which isn't the reason I chose this major, but there are only two things I really want to do and it scares me that for some reason neither of them will work out. I think I have this fear mostly because I don't like people which is a ridiculous thing for a psychology major to say, I know, but I cannot get past it!
Last week, I got an application packet from the hospital near school to work in the pediatric unit with the child life specialist which is so exciting because that is one of the things I would absolutely love to do. There are all these requirements in order to volunteer and all these rules (some of which seem like a little much) to follow at the hospital and I guess I'm afraid I will dislike it. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I disliked it. In fact, I would rather find out now than when I am in the midst of an internship or something.
The other thing I really want to do is research, and while I know that is going to require a lot of school, I think it would be worth it. The mind is amazing and it would be incredible if my job involved figuring out why we do what we do. At the same time though, I think about how much time and effort goes into just one experiment and I can't help but wonder if that's the way I want to spend my life. I can't help but wonder if there will be any significance to my research, though. I don't want to do something that won't have any impact on anybody. I don't want to spend my days duplicating research that has already been done, and even though I already mentioned that I don't particularly like people, or rather being around people, research seems like such a waste if it can't help people.
I guess what I'm mostly trying to say is that I'm thankful God is the one the one that's in control because otherwise I would have gone crazy a long long time ago.

Tooth brushes

Have you ever gotten fuzzy teeth? You know like when you haven't brushed in a few hours and your teeth just feel kind of disgusting? So disgusting that when you finally have the chance to brush your teeth, they feel like they have never been cleaner? I love that feeling and the tingly mint taste that's left in my mouth. While I was brushing, flossing, and mouth washing my teeth just now, I realized how awesome the invention of the tooth brush is and I am thankful that I have readily available toothbrushes and toothpaste. I think sometimes, okay a lot of the time, I forget to be thankful for the small things like a tooth brush, and every time I think about it, I realize how much I really have to be thankful for.

Warmer weather

After spending most days for the last two weeks being cold most of the time, the temperature hit 40 today. It was quite fantastic not to need to wear my giant winter coat, a scarf, gloves, thermal underwear and 2 pairs of socks to class. I am thankful that I live in an area of the country where we get cold weather and warm weather, along with incredible 60 degree weather in between the two.